Boom
“Fred stop playing with explosives in your room” yelled mum up the stairs “okay I’ll go to the yard” also mum” “yes” she answered “can I borrow some borrow some dye I want to make some blue smoke bombs””will I get the dye back” “no” “then don’t ask to ‘borrow’ it” she said “okay well can I have some dye” “yes okay” “thanks now I will go and blow stuff up” “just be careful and don’t do to much damage okay” “yes mum all though I will make no promises”
Your main character sounds like a disaster waiting to happen with all of the explosives!!
Next time remember the paragraphing rule – new speaker, new line.
This will help make your writing clearer and easier to read.
Keep up the great writing.
Mrs Horan
Team 100WC
Morrinsville, New Zealand